Driving!

Ok, So here is the deal, I have not written about my driving experiances in a while! Well, now is the time, cuase I just need to get it out of me to see if it will make things better.

For the past little while, things have been comming up and I have not been able to get driving that much! It is on both ends, not just busyness with school or what not! We finally had a lesson booked for today, April 12th and one for this comming saterday! Well, what happened? I paniked, and I froze! I didn't even make it out of the driveway! I near almost started crying before he even showed up, even while my roomate was praying for me, I felt like I could not breath! I was so tired I almost fell asleep during the last class of the day, which was 15 minnutes before my lesson was suppose to be! We discussed it and agreed that it would be best to wait, till Saturday! Part of me is so relieved. The other side of me is angry at myself! I should not have let my tiredness stop me! Well maybe, I don't know! I feel like I just went backwards, I have not been this afraid to get behind the wheel of a car in a while! I lost my courage, and my strength! The last few times they have been cnaceled it has been a relief! and like a weight has been lifted! Am I running away from it, probrably, why, not so sure!

I was stupid to leave it till my last semester of college! But there is nothing I can do to change it! I know there is no way I can get the rest of my lessons in by the time I graduate! Which was the original goal I had! And becuase that I know I don't have enough time, I feel like I am giving up, which is stupid! I am starting to worry about how I can finish this! some people think it has been a waste of time and money for me to do this course, becuase I can't finish it here! I can transfer, but it seems to be such an inconveniance to everyone who is concerned! And becuase others think it was a waste, and those others are close to me and I usually am affected by what they say, I think I am using that as a reason for running! I really don't know!

Please pray that I find it deep within me to fallow through, not to stop, to over come this fear. to stop running and just do it! thanks for reading my vent!

The RISEN LORD!!!!!!!

Praise the LORD oh my soul, Praise the LORD!!!! We have been given such an amazing and awsome gift! We have been given the gift of life!!!! Today, being Easter Sunday, we remember the reserection of our LORD Jesus Christ! John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." We have new life, becuase of the Gift of God's Son, and how he sacraficed his life for us! And through that new life, we have FREEDOM and we have VICTORY!!!!! we need to step out, and claim it, and walk in it! It is one thing for it to be head knowledge, but we need it to be heart knowledge! read the lyrics to this song: I AM FREE!
Through You the blind will see
Through You the mute will sing
Through You the dead will rise
Through You our hearts will praise
Through You the darkness flees
Through You my heart screams I am free
I am free

Chorus:
I am free to run
(I am free to run)
I am free to dance
(I am free to dance)
I am free to live for You
(I am free to live for You)
I am free
(I am free)
Yes, I am free
(I am free)

Through You the kingdom's come
Through You the battle's won
Through You I'm not afraid
Through You the price is paid
Through You there's victory
Because of You my heart screams I am free
I am free

we serve a God who brings us freedom! we serve a God who has one the victory for us! And when we get weary, and when we feel like we are in bondage he still fights for us, he interceeds for us! He never lets go, no matter what, he never lets go of us, he will even carry us when we feel to weak. Isaiah 40:31"those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

SO PUT YOUR HOPE IN JESUS...WALK IN THE FREEDOM THAT COMES THROUGH JESUS!!! STEP INTO THE VICTORY THAT HE HAS GIVEN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus, Thank you for your gift of life to us, thank you for freedom and victory, thank you for your love! Thank You Thank you THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

MIXED FEELINGS!!!!

Ok, So I have 1 month left to college. It has been three years sense I have started on my jurney at Taylor College, and let me assure you there have been up's and down's and yet through and through it has been an amazing experiance and totally worth it. And it is pretty neet for me to think that at my age I could know God's Call on my life. It is funny cuase usually by this time of the year I am ready to be done placement, and done school, and all that stuff, and I have never been really attatched to my previous placements, however this year, I am SO attatched to everyone at my placement. Even in Res, this year has been by far the best of the three years (no offence to the other years) So I have been trying really hard not to think about leaving. leaving placement, leaving res, leaving my fellow students who has traveled on this journey with me for either 2 or 3 years. The last three years has trained me to a point where I am ready to go. I am ready to enter into full time ministry and I am excited about where God is calling me, even if it means giving things up, and yet at the same time, when I think about leaving, I get so overwhelmed with emotion. My classmates, roomates, good friends, and even my placement has totally become a family to and for me! And to think of leaving them is one I can't stand to think about! I feel like when I leave my heart will brake in many different peices and one peice will stay with all those who have my heart. I know it is normal to be going through this, my intention in wrighting this was to see if wrighting it out would help me clear my head and try to make sense of just how I am feeling so I can deal with it, and end this year strong!

Deep Inward Battle!

Hey guys, Anyone who reads this, I am asking you to lift me up in your prayers. right now it is even hard for me to write this, cuase it means I have to be vounarible and admit that I am struggeling and fighting a fight that has been going on for a while, and lately seems to be deepening/worsening! I don't really want to get into whats going on, I am just asking for your prayers, cause I am tired, reall tired, of everything especially fighting this inner battle, I just want to be free from it, I want it to be over!

Success

Oh Man, Today I had my third Driving lesson! I had requested another driver, just to see if it would make a difference. The girls prayed for me before I left, I started to cry, just a little, and Jessie got me to say I will drive with confidence, to which I said it and she was not convinced, so I screamed it and kinda scared the girls a little! Then My instructor showed up, and I just told him point blank how I felt and that I was hoping to go on some back roads and somewhere with not two many intersections. He said we could do that, but in order to do that he had to take me through a few intersections, so I would come out of my comfort zone a little but he would be right there and not leaving me. So he was REALLY assuring! The first thing we discovered is that I was two short, and sense the wheel was as low as it could go, I had to sit on a phone book to prop me up! It really did make a difference though. I managed to successfully back up, a couple of times. And I finally was able to steer. He only had to correct me a couple of times, and it was very gently. He was affirming me the whole time. We chatted, and just connected. I decided he is going to be my main instructor from now on! It was so great. I came in actually feeling excited, I was smiling from ear to ear! My parents could tell it went well because I was so happy when I talked with them. Thanks all of you, for all your prayers, and believing that I drive, even when I did not believe in myself! you can still pray for me and it would mean allot!

Shrek Quiz

You scored as Princess Fiona. You are Princess Fiona. You are beutiful on the inside, and the ones you love the most can see past your face. Dragon 71% Shrek 71% Princess Fiona 71% Donkey 42% Lord Farquaad 4% Which Shrek character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Driving Lesson # 2

Today I had my second driving lesson today! It ended with me leaving the cars in tears. I paniced, completly and totally. Every time I saw a car comming toward me i would jerk the wheel, to which my instructer would constantly tell me. then he would have to keep telling me to either speed up or slow down, I could never get the right speed, um, I kept doing my turns wrong. I had a bad habit of driving with my hand near the signal light, and I would just turn it on when I did not need two. He said to me, he didn't know why I kept doing the three things he told me not to do! Finally 45 minnutes into the lesson he told me to pull into a parking lot. And switch sides. He said that I paniced, and he does not let panicy people drive cause they crash the car, and he is not letting that happen. Everytime I messed up hre would keep telling me I was putting my self at high-risk for getting rear-ended. As well as becuase of one of my stops at an intersection I caused another car to make a qwick lane change. He told me I kept turning my wheel to much and hard during turns. As well as when I am trying to look straight ahead, I am looking at the line on the road, instead of ahead, and it caused me to go not strait, and he said I would not be able to tell if there was a turn in the road until it was to late. I am so tense and uptight. Jessie saw I was crying the momement I got out of the car. So she met me at the top of the stairs and let me cry, all the time reminding me to breath, becuase I was so shaken I started to hyperventalate, I swore I couldn't do it and did not want to get behind the wheel of a car again. (sound familiar) Hilary got me to drink water, and I found that concentrating on drinking aloud me to breath normaly again, which is good. But even with that I still cried really hard for close to 40 minnutes. It is insane. The girls kept getting me to repeat the phrase "I will get behind the wheel again" until I had convinced them, and then tried to believe it myself. I just am finding it hard to grasp the idea that other people believe I can do it and I will do it, when I don't see it myself. (I know I am probrably being to hard on myslef) Anyway, I and ask you to pray that this would not stop me, but I would learn from this and me motivated to change, pray that I would be able to revcieve God's peace, and that I would remember to be kind to myself instead of being extremly hard on myself. thanks for reading this.