Driving!
Ok, So here is the deal, I have not written about my driving experiances in a while! Well, now is the time, cuase I just need to get it out of me to see if it will make things better.
For the past little while, things have been comming up and I have not been able to get driving that much! It is on both ends, not just busyness with school or what not! We finally had a lesson booked for today, April 12th and one for this comming saterday! Well, what happened? I paniked, and I froze! I didn't even make it out of the driveway! I near almost started crying before he even showed up, even while my roomate was praying for me, I felt like I could not breath! I was so tired I almost fell asleep during the last class of the day, which was 15 minnutes before my lesson was suppose to be! We discussed it and agreed that it would be best to wait, till Saturday! Part of me is so relieved. The other side of me is angry at myself! I should not have let my tiredness stop me! Well maybe, I don't know! I feel like I just went backwards, I have not been this afraid to get behind the wheel of a car in a while! I lost my courage, and my strength! The last few times they have been cnaceled it has been a relief! and like a weight has been lifted! Am I running away from it, probrably, why, not so sure!
I was stupid to leave it till my last semester of college! But there is nothing I can do to change it! I know there is no way I can get the rest of my lessons in by the time I graduate! Which was the original goal I had! And becuase that I know I don't have enough time, I feel like I am giving up, which is stupid! I am starting to worry about how I can finish this! some people think it has been a waste of time and money for me to do this course, becuase I can't finish it here! I can transfer, but it seems to be such an inconveniance to everyone who is concerned! And becuase others think it was a waste, and those others are close to me and I usually am affected by what they say, I think I am using that as a reason for running! I really don't know!
Please pray that I find it deep within me to fallow through, not to stop, to over come this fear. to stop running and just do it! thanks for reading my vent!
Ok, So here is the deal, I have not written about my driving experiances in a while! Well, now is the time, cuase I just need to get it out of me to see if it will make things better.
For the past little while, things have been comming up and I have not been able to get driving that much! It is on both ends, not just busyness with school or what not! We finally had a lesson booked for today, April 12th and one for this comming saterday! Well, what happened? I paniked, and I froze! I didn't even make it out of the driveway! I near almost started crying before he even showed up, even while my roomate was praying for me, I felt like I could not breath! I was so tired I almost fell asleep during the last class of the day, which was 15 minnutes before my lesson was suppose to be! We discussed it and agreed that it would be best to wait, till Saturday! Part of me is so relieved. The other side of me is angry at myself! I should not have let my tiredness stop me! Well maybe, I don't know! I feel like I just went backwards, I have not been this afraid to get behind the wheel of a car in a while! I lost my courage, and my strength! The last few times they have been cnaceled it has been a relief! and like a weight has been lifted! Am I running away from it, probrably, why, not so sure!
I was stupid to leave it till my last semester of college! But there is nothing I can do to change it! I know there is no way I can get the rest of my lessons in by the time I graduate! Which was the original goal I had! And becuase that I know I don't have enough time, I feel like I am giving up, which is stupid! I am starting to worry about how I can finish this! some people think it has been a waste of time and money for me to do this course, becuase I can't finish it here! I can transfer, but it seems to be such an inconveniance to everyone who is concerned! And becuase others think it was a waste, and those others are close to me and I usually am affected by what they say, I think I am using that as a reason for running! I really don't know!
Please pray that I find it deep within me to fallow through, not to stop, to over come this fear. to stop running and just do it! thanks for reading my vent!
posted by Susan at 11:32 AM
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